If your FYP is full of advice on post-sex aftercare, we can help you understand what it means
Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: @hayleyhoneyman, @jenekajool, @nnebugho, @withlovewick/TikTok For some of us, no matter how comfortable we are talking about sex, the word intimacy induces a uniquely un-fun strain of nausea. Before TikTok, I assumed this was a personal problem — but then the algorithm once again reminded me I am, in fact, not special.
The term originated in the BDSM community and was introduced as a way to make sure everyone was taken care of post-sex . TikTok creators, however, have worked their algorithm magic to make sure that the aftercare discussion reaches an audience outside of the BDSM world and into that of sexually active folks everywhere.
“Taking care of the person you just had an intimate experience with should be a prerequisite,” Whitney says. Irrespective of what kind of relationship you have — be it a long-term partnership or a one-night stand — aftercare is a practice that, when appropriate, should be tightly weaved into the sexual experience.
“I think we all could do to raise our standards to what we’re truly worth when it comes to the sexual interactions we have with people,” Whitney says. “Particularly for folks who identify as women. It’s inherent in our bodies to defer to other people’s wants, needs, and desires … we have been socialized that way.” “Ruining the mood” or “being a burden” are two threats we, mainly women, know all too well. So naturally, it makes sense that we might not speak up even when the urge arises.
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