Weary, Cynical Woman Knows Better Than To Bring Tomato Plant Into World Like This

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Weary, Cynical Woman Knows Better Than To Bring Tomato Plant Into World Like This
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SPRINGFIELD, MO—Citing political turmoil across the globe and the grim realities of life on a planet facing a climate crisis, jaded local woman Kristen Sloane told reporters Monday that she knows better than to try to bring a tomato plant into a world like this one. “You take a look around yourself, see the way things…

SPRINGFIELD, MO—Citing political turmoil across the globe and the grim realities of life on a planet facing a climate crisis, jaded local woman Kristen Sloane told reporters Monday that she knows better than to try to bring a tomato plant into a world like this one.

“You take a look around yourself, see the way things are these days, and you’d either have to be incredibly selfish or just plain naïve to subject an innocent cherry tomato seedling to all this,” said Sloane, who mentioned the spread of terrorist attacks and right-wing nationalism as just two of many factors that have discouraged her from starting a home garden. “It’s not that I wouldn’t want some little vines of my own.

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