'I’ve grappled with my trauma in the ways I can, but what always stops me cold are the memories of how terrified I was when I thought I might be pregnant, how my life would be over, one way or another.' MsReads via PhillyInquirer
I thought I was the only girl in the world it was happening to. He told me if I told, no one would believe me. He told me if I told, he would kill my little brother and my mother. He had a menacing collection of sharp knives and I believed him. I always believed him. I was 11. Still in elementary school.
But nothing stopped him. The second year, I discovered a letter to Ann Landers in the advice column of the newspaper from another girl who was experiencing a lot of what I was and realized it wasn’t just me. Ann urged the writer to tell someone, anyone. But I knew I couldn’t. I cut the column out and hid it under my mattress. Knowing it was there gave me comfort.
My mother and I drove home in silence. When we got there, I took the newspaper to my bedroom, climbed onto my bed, and closed the door. I saw that the Supreme Court had voted on a new case that gave all women the right to have an abortion. My heart started pounding and I realized that if I did get pregnant, I now had choices. I wouldn’t have to kill myself. My brother and my mother would be safe. Maybe we’d be OK.
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