'The award for Best Actor goes to my husband for his role in 'I’m Not Sleeping. I’m Just Resting My Eyes.''
My wife: you both take hours to eat a single cup of pudding. I did an entire load of laundry and you’re still working on that tapiocaPro tip: Lip syncing your wife when she’s complaining about something you did is not as funny as you might think.My husband just said “it’s been a while since we went out.
Would you like a date” and when I accepted he handed me a dried date to eat and then started laughing and he keeps laughing and basically this is my tweet announcing I’m single and looking for love.My daughter looked at a text message and said "Ugh, I don't have enough patience to deal with these dumb boy questions." Which is funny because that's exactly what I think when my husband texts me.
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