MOSCOW—Pausing their foreplay to haphazardly look around for a prophylactic, Russian president Vladimir Putin reportedly told his girlfriend Thursday that he has been hit with serious sanctions on condoms. “I’m sorry, babe, these sanctions keep getting more and more extreme,” said the longtime leader currently in the…
MOSCOW—Pausing their foreplay to haphazardly look around for a prophylactic, Russian p
resident Vladimir Putin reportedly told his girlfriend Thursday that he has been hit with serious sanctions on condoms. “I’m sorry, babe, these sanctions keep getting more and more extreme,” said the longtime leader currently in the midst of an ongoing war with Ukraine, blaming the increasingly extreme sanctions from G7 countries over the course of the conflict as the reasoning for why they “pretty much have no other choice” than to do it bareback tonight.
I keep going, or…” At press time, Putin dramatically condemned the stern oil sanctions on Russia as the reason he could not give his girlfriend a ride home afterward.
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