For nearly 29 years, my wife and I have held a Christmas dinner party for the four men who were in our wedding party, along with their wives. ... Here’s the problem. One of these couples has never invited us to their home. ...
DEAR MISS MANNERS: For nearly 29 years, my wife and I have held a Christmas dinner party for the four men who were in our wedding party, along with their wives. It has become a tradition that we have been told is the highlight of the holiday season for our friends.
Last year we got fed up and didn’t have the party. When these friends asked us why, we attributed it to some health problems my wife had had. Another year has gone by, and the situation hasn’t changed.What’s an appropriate response when I’m asked why we’re not having the party? The truth would make us sound like we were begging for invitations. These are old friends, but evidently no longer close ones.
A common hazard in connection with annual parties is that guests begin to think that the normal mutual obligations between hosts and guests do not apply. Miss Manners knows that many people think that anyway, but it is especially so when the event seems to be a tradition of the hosts that the guests feel they help them stage just by being there.
So her advice to those who are kind and hospitable enough to give annual parties is to vary them a bit from year to year -- or perhaps skip a year now and then.DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here’s a pet peeve I have when giving Christmas gifts. So often the response is along the lines of, “OMG, I didn’t get you a gift.”
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