'Before, I thought loving my partner meant giving him what he wanted and dismissing the very real emotions and needs I had to keep the peace.'
I walked down the aisle a second time recently. Elvis Presley locked arms with me while singing “Love Me Tender” and gave me away to my partner, Jared, in a little white chapel in Vegas. Our three kids climbed the pews and crawled beneath, only to pause and take peeks at what was happening at the altar. Giggles and glee. It was pretty adorable.
I thought I was ready in my previous marriage,but hadn’t had the chance to build my inner confidence and to figure out how to name my needs. Before, I thought loving my partner meant giving him what he wanted and dismissing the very real emotions and needs I had to keep the peace – to keep the marriage alive. We had dated for three years so I wasn’t oblivious to the relationship slumps that would show their face.
I like to think of it as romance-proofing. Think fireproofing, but for your relationship.That means learning and using effective communication strategies, loving yourself, orgasming a lot, being intentional and looking forward – together.I have rather outsize emotions. Luckily, my husband is understanding and accepts that about me. When I’m on my period, like so many other women, I become “Hot Mess Meg.
And he uses this clever little color system – red, amber, and green – to let me know where he’s at emotionally. A midday call and I might hear him say, “Hey babe, right now I’m pretty deep in the red with all that’s on my plate.” Amber? That’s simply a more neutral, just-vibing state of mind.
Sex for me really is a key component to romance-proofing but it’s definitely not everything, and if it’s not possible just being present – physically and emotionally – is fire for romance-proofing.My husband and I have separate interests and hobbies, but also joint visions for what we want out of the world. We’re both big autism advocates through our work and hobbies; we share that passion.
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