'I’m acutely aware that I’m recording these details for future-me: she will either long for this particular past or feel relieved that it’s behind her. It depends on the day.'
Sure, social media can provide a similar service, but with my diary there’s no nefarious dopamine hit; no one else reads the entries except me.About fourteen years ago, on May 1, 2009, when I was 28, I took a bike ride, read a novel that caused me to worry about my own unfinished one, then went to my oldest sister’s apartment for chickpea stew. Exactly a year later, I felt awkward at a birthday party in West Hollywood, and, that evening, took my dog to a friend’s house for mint juleps.
My diaries mostly record quotidian matters, such as what I ate for dinner, something my kids said or did, if I exercised, some terrible though minor rash, a cute dog I saw, and so on. I writeI’m acutely aware that I’m recording these details for future-me: she will either long for this particular past or feel relieved that it’s behind her. It depends on the day.
Initially, writing about him was just convenient. I had a place to record milestones and random moments with him without the intimidation that comes with a dedicated baby book; my child’s life and experiences could coexist with my own, which I wanted so badly to believe was possible in those newborn days, when my body felt foreign and my daily routine, too.
Now, future-me reads those exhausted, scared, deranged, monotonous 2020 days and I am brought right back into that era, all that time I had with my family, even if it almost broke me. I don’t want to go back to that time, but I am grateful to have reports from the past:
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