'Now there's a secret lurking in my marriage. How do I move forward?'
, a new monthly anonymous advice column from Scary Mommy. Here we’ll dissect all your burning questions about motherhood, sex, romance, intimacy, and friendship with the help of our columnist, Penelope, a writer and mental health practitioner in training. She’ll dish out her most sound advice for parents on the delicate dance of raising kids without sacrificing other important relationships. Email her at [email protected]’m a wife and mother in her late thirties.
I wondered if part of what had drawn me into this discretion was the thrill and immediacy of newness of sexting, phone sex, naked selfies — things my husband and I dabbled in when we were dating but had long given up. I get that it’s been good for us to have the second and fourth Friday of every month set aside for a sex-date, but there’s also something erotic about the words and images and spoken desires that have to stand in for the act itself. I crave that spontaneity.
The first step is to communicate with your partner about your new desire and gauge his receptivity. For many couples who live together, it’s easy to make the mistake of assuming that talking about sex or texting about sex is a thing people do as a substitute for the actual act. In fact, theof physical intimacy, intimations on what you want to do with a person but can’t do at that particular moment, can be as arousing and exciting as the intimacy itself.
The best place to begin is often with disclosure. Simply talk openly about where your mind has been can be incredibly sexy. A statement like, “I’ve been thinking a lot about the last time we…” or, “I was thinking how the next time we’re together I’d love to...” offers your partner a window into your desire. It also offers your partner a chance to invite you into the dirtier corners of their own fantasy life.
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