'Our families are often the first experience that many of us have with unhealthy or even toxic behaviors.' Here's how to change some of those harmful dynamics as an adult.
Some common signs of gaslighting parents are when they say things such as, “you’re just being sensitive. Dad didn't mean it like that,” “I was just trying to toughen you up. It’s for your own good,” or–my personal favorite, “what are you talking about? YourNot all gaslighting is done maliciously. Some parents might do this in an attempt to protect or shield their children from uncomfortable feelings, such as parents who tell their children, “no, dad didn’t forget to pick you up.
When working with adult survivors with family of origin trauma, we often have to begin the work by unlearning bad habits. Knowing how to protect yourself against gaslighting parents takes time and skill, but here are some tips that I recommend to get you started:This is one of the effects of gaslighting that stays with survivors well into adulthood and is often seen in people who say things such as,"maybe it's just me," or"perhaps I am remembering it wrong.
When children have their reality denied by their caregivers, they often grow up feeling insecure and distrustful of their own feelings. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings without needing to justify them to anyone. If something bothers you, it bothers you–you do not need permission. Acknowledge it by speaking its truth to yourself."That situation bothered me, and I have a right to feel that way.
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