'There is death and there is birth and there is loss and there is life, and there are stolen moments of deep pain on the bathroom floor in all of it.'
Then I lost the rest of her to suicide when I was 37 weeks pregnant — much too big to gracefully fall to the bathroom floor, but unable to stop myself from the learned habit of taking my pain there to sort through in peace.
So I tried to set boundaries and make walls and fence myself in, but none of it mattered in the end, because she was still my mother. And then she was gone.And so I locked myself in the bathroom to weep or wail or just breathe for a minute before I could reemerge into my life, make snacks, tuck babies into bed, keep going.
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