DearPrudie: Is this something I should take to HR? Help!
I shared your question on Twitter, asking for help. I have to admit, I was not at all moved by the responses that said there’s no problem here because Jacob is allowed to have his thoughts . Those thoughts became more than thoughts when he spoke them. For all he knows, you could be gay or exploring your sexuality. Your brother or someone you care about could be! Or you could just be a person who doesn’t like bigotry and is upset by hearing about hate.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to, or should, report him to HR. I agree with those who said this doesn’t sound like something they could act on and at this point there’s no evidence that he’s discriminated against or mistreated anyone. I’m queer and the way this reads to me is a person having intrusive thoughts they are very ashamed of. I would keep an eye out but wouldn’t escalate to HR based on this. —I think people who feel protected by HR are saying go to HR, and people who don’t are saying leave it alone. I’m the latter. Instead, document thoroughly and email it to yourself so that it’s time stamped.
I can’t speak to the workplace aspect of this but imo the answer to “someone dropped a bomb while drunk” is almost always to sensitively reopen the convo when you’re both sober and try to get more information/context. —Sounds like Jacob has space to listen to reason if he knows it’s wrong. Using a sober convo to ask more could help. Does he want your help trying not to judge others? Does he feel it interferes with his work? This is a good way to find out if employees are at risk. —Oof.
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