DearPrudie: I really don’t like feeling this cold all the time. Help!
My mother has always been a high-strung and dramatic person. Most of my childhood involved having to manage her emotions to some degree, and this got progressively worse the older I got. My teenage years were especially difficult, what I now understand to be an extended and severe Borderline Personality Disorder cycle. I’ve come out of it bruised but whole, and I’m a happy and functional adult with a good grip on my own emotions.
First and most important, go easy on yourself! On this topic and in general. You are not terrible for feeling the way you feel. You don’t sound particularly flawed. No one has complained. You’re probably in the realm of normal. And if you’re not, it’s for a good reason. But, if you really do want to feel more empathy for others, empathy for yourself might be the best way to get there:
I wonder if his friends feel his reaction the same way he feels it. It might help him to check in w/them to see if his reaction to their needs is “landing” in a helpful way. —I would suggest a routine of explaining this to those in your support system and asking them to be specific about what’s helpful when they’re going through hard times. If they provide a list, that may eliminate the pressure of previous guesswork the mother created.
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