My DIL regularly sneaks unhealthy food to her nieces and nephews, against her parents' wishes.
I am a primarily stay-at-home mom with two kids and a husband with a good job that covers everything we need. I do some work very part-time, from which I make $2,000 a month. We have savings, but we don’t own our home. If something happened to my husband, we’d have to adjust our life quite a bit, and I’m not sure how successfully I could fill in what he makes currently, especially if I had to maintain the volunteer and community work that I do to ensure my kids are active citizens.
A final thought: you seem deeply anxious about your ethical role in helping others, and I fear you may be carrying an unhealthy amount of guilt and obligation around this issue. If your financial advantage over others is truly keeping you up at night, and if not donating terrifies you, you might want to find some outlets to process that.
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