'It was a privilege to be part of another woman’s journey to motherhood, with all the trust and intimacy it required from both of us.'
was on Mother’s Day. A close friend of mine had miscarried her first baby a few months before, so I texted her the “Happy Mother’s Day” I knew she wouldn’t get from most people. Sitting in my toy-strewn living room, those distinctive baby smells of milk and diapers surrounding me, I felt the absence of them for my friend. I was glad I got to be there for her, but it made me wonder if there was more I could do.
I didn’t take for granted that I got pregnant easily, was able to enjoy all nine months, and had smooth births. My mom lovingly calls me Fertile Myrtle, and it’s an apt nickname. I got pregnant with our oldest the first month we started trying, and was able to birth our other two babies at home with a midwife. My pushing stages never lasted more than twenty minutes. I wasn’t just a low-risk birther, I was a downright boring one. In the best way, my midwife assured me.
California is one of the friendliest states for surrogacy in the U.S., and it shows in the amount and quality of resources there. I found a local surrogacy agency that did personal home visits and had regular get-togethers for their. With their help, I connected with my intended parents — the biological parents of the surrogate baby I would carry.
By May of 2018, I was a potential surrogate. I had filled out all the paperwork, gotten the initial medical clearances, and spent the day reading over my intended parents’ profile for the 50th time. It was pages upon pages of questions and answers all about their life and hopes. As my kids played in the California sunshine and wiped muddy fingerprints on my shorts, I pored over the words they chose to share with me.
My intended parents lived overseas, where English was their second language, but their desire to have a child needed no translation. The same absence I had felt for my friend, I felt for them. We spoke over video chat for the first time the next week. Nerves rolled in my belly like baby kicks, but we agreed: we would work together to complete their family.
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