Advice: A reader longs for — and lobbies to restore — the quiet family holidays they enjoyed before brother’s three children were born.
My brother and his wife, somewhat late in life, now have three kids. I love my niece and nephews, but they have significantly changed the holiday dynamic, and I miss having more relaxed, sophisticated holidays. I have tried to come up with compromises over the years, but all of them have been rejected.
I invited all the adults to adults-only holiday dinners after the kids’ bedtimes at my home, I suggested that my parents invite my and my brother’s households to their home on alternate holidays, I suggested that we set up a fun Thanksgiving-themed “camp” in my parents’ basement and hire a sitter to watch the kids downstairs while the adults enjoy the holiday upstairs. This year I suggested having an adults-only Christmas celebration on Christmas Eve.
I’m at a loss. My parents are getting older, and I fear we will not have another peaceful holiday in their lifetimes. The kids are good kids and I don’t mind spending time with them, but I feel like all the holidays have been hijacked. Our only choices seem to be to stay home by ourselves or join a child-centered holiday.
Another situational reality: Kids don’t stay small. Your relief is coming, just on its own schedule, not yours. Accepting that instead of fight-fight-fighting it sounds like the wisest adaptation of all.
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