After following in mother's footsteps with disordered eating, a reader decides not to risk having kids — and Mom now blames herself.
My mom feels really badly about this and blames herself, but I know she did the best she could while dealing with her own eating disorder.
I’m serious with my boyfriend now, and the question of children has come up. I don’t see how I could ever be relaxed around my children regarding food. Also, there’s no question that eating disorders run in my family; my cousins all have weight issues, and two have had diagnosed eating disorders.Because of this, I think it would be irresponsible to have children or even to adopt. My boyfriend embraces the idea of a child-free life.
Mom is begging me to reconsider, is despondent about my decision and is once again blaming herself. What can I do to help her see that this is the right choice for me and that she didn’t “ruin my life"?I hope you don’t mind my saying that your hard work seems to have brought you to a really good, centered, clear-eyed place. That is not easy. Hats off.
As for your mom, she can beg you only if you grant her the time and space to keep talking about this. So don’t. It’s the same as with other boundaries: State your decision clearly and definitively if you haven’t already ; state clearly and definitively that it’s your decision, not her fault ; say you won’t discuss this with her further; and end all conversations calmly, kindly and on the spot, by the easiest means available.In person: “Next topic.
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