I’ve had two pregnancies, and both times I was shocked when strangers gave themselves permission to touch my belly. But that was nothing compared to the boundaries people crossed after I expanded my family through adoption.
I’ve had two pregnancies, and both times I was shocked when strangers gave themselves permission to touch my belly. But that was nothing compared to the boundaries people crossed after. So many unsolicited questions and comments have floored me—and my kids, who were all too often in earshot. And in talking with other adoptive parents, I've found we're not alone.
Even if we overlook the bluntness of these questions, let’s stop and think about the details they’re intended to elicit. Do I really need to explain this? My kid's life story is not for your Jerry Springer-esque consumption. Adopted children often have special needs or attachment issues that you may not be aware of, and the therapeutic parenting required to raise them can be daunting, difficult and—to the casual observer—sometimes counterintuitive. In order for these children to bond with their new parents and to have their needs met after loss, trauma or neglect, vastly different parenting principals apply.
Whether a child was apprehended by the Children’s Aid Society, brought home from an orphanage, or lovingly placed in the arms of adoptive parents by the birth mother herself, for adoption to occur, first there always has to be loss—the most primal kind of loss there is for a child. Never underestimate the grief and mixed emotions that may be entwined with adoption for a child who has experienced it, no matter how awesome their new family and home may be.
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